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What happens If you write intensively with someone for years, never meet face-to-face, and you are finally going to visit each other? As in seeing in real time. Face-to-face.
It’s weird when people know you from your blog. They have all kind of assumptions based upon your writings. You’ll be amazed what people’s assumptions about you can be. You’ll notice when you finally meet.
What happens if you build a relationship without direct contact and you meet?
What happens if you communicate with a person on an online dating site for a while, and you go on a first date?
Was an old-school first date about getting to know each other, the new, modern first-date 2.0 is all about validation. Are my assumptions of him valid? Did he tell the truth? “The initial meeting tends to be a screening out process instead of a romantic occasion“.
With pure online communication validation is the key problem. Yes, we can build real relationships through digital media. Yes, without direct validation we can create a hyperbolic and idealized conceptualization of each other (hyperpersonal communication).
So we need first dates. We need to see if the other is trustworthy. Do we interpret the social cues correctly?
Yes and no. A lot of people, especially techies, do not send or read social signals correctly. The same person may have a difficult time communicating in person than on chat.
Argh. Good you remind me. Excellent point. I wanted to include something about peoples’ personalities like e.g. introvert vs extrovert. Some people do actually make better conversationalists online.
E.g. http://introvertretreat.com/?p=77
Anyway. Will put this on my to do list as a topic
Hi Bas,
I want to make a small addition to this eye-opener post. I think the time factor should be considered. The longer people hold to their assumptions, the stronger is the feeling of “ownership” of these assumptions. It is not easy to dispose off something that we own for long times
A second point is the level of expectations. If we own high expectations and when physical encounter happens the “expectation Gap” will be deciding on what to do next.
I have spoken too much- so let me stop for fear one day you Bas and myself might meet physically one day. I care to keep our virtual friendship. Does that mean the “Fear Factor” is important as well?
Thanks Ali, all will be fine
The time and ownership aspect is a very important addition. Great insight. Expectations are also an element. It’s mostly about the risk at stake: if I need to provide someone with a large sum of money, that would be completely different from someone I have a conversational chat with. So yeah, expectations and risk are playing a major role here.
Excellent topic!
And I think you are right that the project context is really important. Especially in IT as Diwant says. People in techie industries are perhaps more comfortable onscreen that off. This shouldn’t be discounted but it is important to offer lots of ways for people to communicate.
As well as trust, I think this comes down to authenticity. As we get more comfortable with digital media, the barriers between our on-line selves and our in-person selves become less distinguishable.
Hi Sas, thanks for dropping by and the thoughtful comment. But how do you know if people are “real”/authentic online?
I think this comes down to trusting ones own instinct. We get cues in-person through non-verbal communication, that just aren’t there on-line. But there are other cues – the method used to communicate, the tone used, their willingness to participate. All of these things add up to an image of a person.
Given that we can spend a whole lifetime getting to know someone, there are limits!
But as the PM you need to create an environment where each member of the team feels comfortable to tell you when something is going wrong. And to enable them to participate in the team.
I agree, Sas. One point to add: it can also be consistency over time in behavior that enhances “trust” and a sense of authenticity.
Bas, and Sas,
I did not expect such a small difference in only the first letter of your names to create such a hot discussion. I want first to quote what Bas wrote “consistency over time in behavior”. Do we expect this consistency more in virtual teams than conventional teams?
In the lack of trust some people opt to change their opinion to please whom they talk to. One minute they are pro a decision; next time they are against the same decision. These people seek safety, but this result in demolishing trust in the organization. If the rapidity of this change-over in opinion is fast the organization becomes like a chaotic pendulum, or like magnetic lines pointing to all directions and going nowhere. Trust acts like a Stabilizing Factor that dampens the swing from one direction swiftly to an opposite one.
In virtual teams this may be of lesser effect. Communication in writing creates commitment as there is no escape of what one has documented. Writing communication may lead to more trust and virtual teams may benefit accordingly.
Does this make any sense to you? Please let me know before I change my mind!!!
Hi Ali,
It’s Bas.
It makes all sense. Especially : “Communication in writing creates commitment as there is no escape of what one has documented.” is also a factor at play.
There are a lot of communication elements specific to digital channels. One by one these channels are becoming more dominant. That’s why we make such a fuzz about. them.
BTW Ali, if you also want your picture with your name, you have to signup with Gravatar.com. It’s free and easy, and it uses your email address to show your image. Handy if someone named Bali is also joining the discussion
Bas,
You are absolutely right when you say every communication channel has is specificity. I think that understanding the emerging role of communication channels is vital.
But, I wished to hear your opinion on the idea that Trust has a stabilizing factor.
Now, you see I listen to you as my comments show my … face!
Ha! Thanks for listening.
Yes, i think viewing trust as a stabilizing factor between emotional swings / opinion swings is an interesting thought. A good one. I agree.
Dear Mr. de Baar,
We have a nice filter. Its called feelings administered by the limbic system. Unfortunately the limbic “communicates with “us” on a non-verbal level which makes the message harder to intrpret.
Bill Ireland
Hi Bill,
Yes, yes, yes! I miss the emotional / feeling part in this discussion.
Thanks for the reminder.
Cheers
Bas